Happy Monday, folks! I hope that you all had a wonderful weekend as I did!
As you all know, I am a Catholic & believe in the Sacraments. Well, about a month ago I really felt it on my heart to go to Confession. Not for any reason other than that of desiring to grow closer to Jesus. It had been a few months since I had last been, & I felt the desire to deepen my relationship with God.
This past year I was lazy at times with my faith. If I didn’t feel like going to Mass, I didn’t go. Honestly speaking, I would use any excuse just to sleep in. Part of this reason is because I am up several times a night with my sweet John Everett, feeding him. This is still no excuse to miss Mass. I felt great guilt on my heart for having missed Mass several times this year & for even entertaining this mindset when I knew better. I knew that I wanted to go to confession to get my heart as pure as possible. I yearned to be closer to Jesus. He was calling me.
So, fast forward to me sitting in line, waiting to go to Confession at this beautiful Catholic Church near where I live. It is a very big parish..knowing this, I arrived to confession 30 minutes early, because I figured there would be a long line. I brought my 5-month old son with me, because I didn’t have anyone to babysit for me that day. He behaved beautifully until my husband got there to watch him while I waited... and waited...and waited some more... time just kept ticking by, it felt like forever and a day had passed before the priest got there and started hearing confessions.
One by one, the three people in front of me took their turns and went to confession. Only three people were in front of me, but those three people took almost the entire 30 minutes we had of confession time before mass started and time ran out. As I stood up, knowing my turn was next, with nearly a minute left before confession time was over and the priest had to start preparing for mass, I was anxiously hoping to get to go... my heart longed to be clean of anything that was keeping me from having the deepest relationship I could with my Jesus.
As the last person in front of me comes out of the confessional, the priest follows behind him...turns out the light, shuts the door, bam...that’s it, times up. To say that I was upset was an understatement. Not only had I been there for almost an hour to ensure I would get a turn, but my husband also gave up an hour of his workday to help me and watch our son so that I could do this...
There had only been THREE people in front of me.
I swiftly went back to the car with thoughts of anger towards the three people that had been in front of me(which I know was wrong). How could they each take 10-15 minutes in the confessional knowing that there was a long line of people behind them? During a time like this, it’s best to be straight to the point with your confession... this isn’t a scheduled meeting with a spiritual director. Oh, I was mad.
..but then the thought hit me: Maybe God was trying to show me something. Maybe He was trying to show me what I did to Him. All of those times I missed Mass, I chose not to say my rosary or pray to Him...He waited and waited for me, hoping to spend time with me, hoping that I would make time for Him, but I didn’t. How many times in my life have I denied Jesus by not praying as much as I should and not taking Mass as seriously as it should be taken? He was sitting there waiting all of those times, but I didn’t have time. I made Him feel the same emptiness I experienced after leaving that church, not having been able to go to confession.
Looking at it this way made me change my perspective on the entire situation. I did get something out of this attempt to go to confession, just not in the way I anticipated. I ended up being able to go to confession at the end of that week, and let me tell you, I couldn’t wait. My heart was overjoyed when I was finally able to go.
I recommend, if you are Catholic, to go to Confession. It is a beautiful experience. Go to Mass, embrace the Eucharist. Treat Jesus with the respect He deserves. Don't make the same mistakes I have. He gives Himself to us everyday... He is there waiting. Don’t deny him of your presence. He loves you. He wants to be close to you. He gave everything for you, in hopes that you would have confidence and trust in Him. He doesn’t expect perfection, but He does want you to try. Spend time with Jesus in prayer through attending Mass. Go to Adoration. Find ways to be with Jesus. Just be...trust, hope, and have confidence in Him. He won’t fail you. All you have to do is put Him first.
***If you are not Catholic, and are wondering why Catholics have the Sacrament of Reconciliation(or Confession), click the green link below. It is a very good explanation as to why Catholics participate in this sacrament :-). It gives Biblical explanations and support.
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